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About This List Created by: komodoDate Created: 12/29/2007 Times Viewed: 3,483 Item Count: 87
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| 6 1. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. |
| 4 2. Horn broken. Watch for finger. |
| 4 3. He who laughs last thinks slowest. |
| 4 4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. |
| 4 5. How can I miss you if you won't go away? |
| 4 6. i don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it |
| 3 7. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. |
| 3 8. I brake for no apparent reason. |
| 3 9. Forget about World Peace... Visualize using your turn signal. |
| 3 10. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. |
| 3 11. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. |
| 3 12. Jesus is coming, everyone look busy. |
| 3 13. Keep honking, I'm reloading. |
| 2 15. All generalizations are false. |
| 2 16. Learn from your parents' mistakes—use birth control. |
| 2 17. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? |
| 2 18. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. |
| 2 19. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. |
| 2 20. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. |
| 2 21. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. |
| 2 22. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. |
| 2 23. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. |
| 2 24. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. |
| 2 25. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply. |
| 2 26. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole. |
| 2 27. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? |
| 2 28. We're not in jail, and I'm not your bitch, so get off my ass! |
| 1 29. Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. |
| 1 30. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. |
| 1 31. Born free... Taxed to death. |
| 1 32. All men are idiots, and I married their King. |
| 1 33. Work is for people who don't know how to fish. |
| 1 34. If you don't like the news, go out and make some. |
| 1 35. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. |
| 1 36. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. |
| 1 37. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students. |
| 1 38. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. |
| 1 39. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. |
| 1 40. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. |
| 1 41. i souport publik edekashun. |
| 1 42. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... |
| 1 43. Why is ‘abbreviation' such a long word? |
| 1 44. My kid had sex with your honor student. |
| 1 45. I'm just driving this way to piss you off. |
| 1 46. Lord save me from your followers. |
| 1 47. Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. |
| 1 48. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. |
| 1 49. Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off. |
| 1 50. My child is inmate of the month at the County Jail! |
| 1 51. When I married Mr. Right, I didn't know his first name was Always. |
| 1 52. if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried |
| 0 53. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. |
| 0 54. O'Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. |
| 0 55. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. |
| 0 56. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. |
| 0 57. Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons. |
| 0 58. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. |
| 0 59. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep. |
| 0 60. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. |
| 0 61. Montana—At least our cows are sane! |
| 0 62. When you do a good deed, get a receipt—in case heaven is like the IRS. |
| 0 63. Sorry, I don't date outside my species. |
| 0 64. No radio—Already stolen. |
| 0 65. Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges. |
| 0 66. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. |
| 0 67. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. |
| 0 68. OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? |
| 0 69. Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it. |
| 0 70. Tell me to "stuff it"—I'm a taxidermist. |
| 0 71. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. |
| 0 72. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. |
| 0 73. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. |
| 0 74. Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from? |
| 0 75. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear. |
| 0 76. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. |
| 0 77. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. |
| 0 78. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. |
| 0 79. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. |
| 0 80. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? |
| 0 81. Cheney skis in jeans. |
| 0 82. for every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism |
| 0 83. the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train |
| -1 84. I'm not as think as you drunk I am. |
| -1 85. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. |
| -1 86. Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!"... till you can find a rock. |
| -3 87. I love cats... they taste just like chicken. |
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