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About This List Created by: komodoDate Created: 12/29/2007 Times Viewed: 314 Item Count: 37
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| 3 1. "Entry-Level Position In An Up-And-Coming Company"
You’ll be making under $7 and hour; we’ll be bankrupt in a year. |
| 2 2. "Join Our Fast-Paced Company"
We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers. |
| 2 3. "Nationally Recognized Leader"
Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven’t done anything innovative since. |
| 2 4. "Immediate Opening"
The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We’re just now running the ad. |
| 2 5. "Self-Motivated"
Management won’t answer questions. |
| 2 6. "We Offer Great Benefits"
After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $25 co-pay. |
| 2 7. "Salary Range $24k - $32k"
We’ll offer you $22k to start. |
| 1 8. "Entry-Level Position"
You’ll be making under $7 an hour. |
| 1 9. "An Up-And-Coming Software Company"
We want you to get your hopes up, but there’s no chance in hell we’ll be the next Microsoft. |
| 1 10. "Profit-Sharing Plan"
Once it’s shared between the higher-ups, there won’t be a profit. |
| 1 11. "Competitive Salary"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. |
| 1 12. "Sales Position Requiring Motivated Self-Starter"
We’re not going to supply you with leads; there’s no base salary; you’ll wait 30 days for your first commission check. |
| 1 13. "Pension/Retirement Benefits"
After 3 years, we’ll allow you to fund your own 401(k) and, if you behave, we’ll give you a 5 percent matching contribution. |
| 1 14. "Seeking Enthusiastic, Fun, Hard Working, People"
...who still live with their parents and won’t mind our internship-level salaries. |
| 1 15. "Casual Work Atmosphere"
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. |
| 1 16. "Competitive Environment"
We have a lot of turnover. |
| 1 17. "Exciting And Professional Work Environment"
Guys in gray suits will bore you with tales of squash and their weekends on yachts. |
| 1 18. "Join Our Dynamic Team"
We all listen to nutty motivational tapes. |
| 1 19. "Fun Work Environment"
Your coworkers will be insulted if you don’t drink with them. |
| 1 20. "A Drug-Free Work Environment"
We booze it up at company parties. |
| 1 21. "Must Be Deadline Oriented"
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day. |
| 1 22. "Some Public Relations Required"
If we’re in trouble, you’ll go on TV and get us out of it. |
| 1 23. "Some Overtime Required"
Some time each night and some time each weekend. |
| 1 24. "A Highly Visible Position"
You’ll give boring speeches on your own time. |
| 1 25. "Flexible Hours"
Work 40 hours; get paid of 25. |
| 1 26. "Duties Will Vary"
Anyone in the office can boss you around. |
| 1 27. "Where Employees Feel Valued"
Those who missed the last round of layoffs, that is. |
| 1 28. "Must Have An Eye For Detail"
We have no quality control. |
| 1 29. "College Degree Preferred"
Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English, or religion. |
| 1 30. "No Phone Calls Please"
We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. |
| 1 31. "Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety Of Experience"
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left. |
| 1 32. "Problem-Solving Skills A Must"
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos. |
| 1 33. "Requires Team Leadership Skills"
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. |
| 1 34. "Good Communication Skills"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want to do. |
| 1 35. "Ability To Handle A Heavy Workload"
You whine, you’re fired. |
| 1 36. "Aspirations For Growth Within Our Company"
We love brown-nosers. |
| 1 37. "Would you like to help with this?"
I know you don't want to do this, but I'm going to make you anyway. |
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